SAYF Guidelines – Southern Appalachian Young Friends

Community Guidelines

Updated March, 2025

Introduction:

SAYF guidelines were created by fellow members of the community because we feel that these specific things are important to keeping SAYF a strong, thriving, loving community. They are not rules, but we ask you to respect them and use responsible judgment because infractions of these guidelines could potentially put you or others in danger, and damage the community as a whole.

The community asks that you:

Practice self advocacy. Self advocacy is the ability to communicate your individual needs when you are comfortable. Our guidelines are written to embody the needs of the whole SAYF community, however, if a group or individual requires accommodations then advocating for yourself or the group is appropriate and necessary.

Don’t bring or use restricted substances at SAYF, and don’t come with them in your system. This includes alcohol, tobacco products, and drugs. If you bring medication, use it responsibly and only for its intended use.

These substances can hinder the reactions and behaviors of their users. This is bad for SAYF because we want all members to be physically and mentally aware of the community. These substances may also be illegal and not in the comfort zone of many community members. Using restricted substances at SAYF creates a divide in the community.

Don’t bring weapons of any kind to SAYF. Do not commit any violent act towards others in the community, including harming them physically, or using violent language to harm them emotionally. Please remember, words are weapons too.

Nonviolence is a very important testimony that is not only important to us, but to Quaker communities around the world. This is a community that stands as a safe place for many people and we don’t want to endanger that.
Violent language isn’t fun or funny and doesn’t have a place in the community. Humor and language that is rooted in means of oppression are not welcome at SAYF. This includes slurs that pertain to gender-identity race, sexuality, physical and mental abilities, etc.

Don’t engage in sexual conduct at SAYF. This includes sex, making out, inappropriate touching, and anything else that could potentially cause others to feel uncomfortable.

We are given the privilege of having sleeping arrangements that allow us to sleep together as community that isn’t separated by gender or other identities. Please respect this spirit and don’t take advantage of it.
Sexual coupling creates divisions in the community, and we want to be welcoming to all.

Don’t climb trees or buildings. Everyone’s physical safety is of the utmost importance. While one may know their own physical limits, others may not and will follow suit and so it is important to set a good example.

Respect that mandatory activities are mandatory! Go to them AND participate.

Attending activities and actively being a part of them is a large part of a SAYF retreat. It is not fun for anyone to have people who decide that they don’t want to be a part of community activities. The activities are planned by fellow SAYFers because they want the retreat to be fun and spiritual for everyone. (If you feel that you really cannot participate in a particular activity or event, you may ask to be excused from that specific event by a FAN.)

Be where you are supposed to be, especially during lights out. Don’t wander off.

Leaving the meetinghouse without permission, going into places that have been put off limits, or wandering off during activities is not allowed. It leaves you in a position where FANs do not know where you are, and possibly in a situation where you could get lost or hurt. Remember that all of the guidelines are for the safety of all SAYFers and the community as a whole.

SAYFers are not to go off site unless it’s a designated activity. FANs are responsible for the safety of young Friends while they are at retreats. If a SAYFer leaves without permission it creates a safety issue for the community, and interferes in normal retreat activities, and may have long term consequences for SAYF.

Do not use fire in non-designated activities. There are activities, like opening circle, when fire is allowed. Don’t have fire during other times of the day. This includes lighters. They will not be needed at retreats, so if you have one, don’t bring it out.

It could be possibly destructive and unsafe.

Be consistently and consciously inclusive and welcoming. Everyone being and feeling that they are a part of the community is very important to SAYF and its members. Don’t be a passive bystander to those feeling excluded.

Being inclusive is an easy way to help everyone feel more like they belong or just to make them have a better experience. It is also a great way to widen the community and make fantastic friends.

Honor confidentiality. Part of SAYF is being able to love and trust everyone in the community. Confidentiality is really important to our community. It keeps people feeling that they are in a comfortable and loving space so that they are able to freely share anything.

This is held to be true unless you hear that someone might be planning to harm themselves or someone else, at which point you immediately contact a FAN or a Nurturer. In addition, if you have been hurt emotionally and/or physically, you may also alert a FAN or Nurturer. The situation may be brought to the wider SAYF community or parents, if needed for adequate support.

Most importantly, respect the spiritual community, including:

Property

Of both members of the community and of the meetinghouse or space that you are in.

Other members of the community

By being especially mindful of your actions and language because of the spectrum of comfort levels, ages, identities and beliefs in the community.
If you think your actions and language might be uncomfortable to others, ASK! It shouldn’t have to be awkward to ask if someone wants to hug or cuddle.

Needs of the community…

By cleaning up after yourself and participating in other community chores. Make sure that no member of the community is left with a disproportionate work load, and make sure to listen when people are asking for help.

The wider community…

By being responsible for your actions and remember that we represent Quaker youth and that our actions reflect upon us and the wider Quaker community.

And yourself…

Don’t do things that will make you uncomfortable or cause you harm. Remember that if you don’t respect yourself, it then becomes harder for others to respect you and take you seriously.
Remember to also respect yourself physically– FANS have extra hygiene products (toothbrush, deodorant, etc.) upon request.

Respect and uphold the Friends Testimonies (SPICES):

Simplicity – Keep things as simple as possible and have a minimal environmental impact.
Peace – Behave and speak non-violently.
Integrity – Act by your moral compass.
Community – Work with others in a loving, productive and efficient manner.
Equality – Value each person’s beliefs and identity the same.
Stewardship – Give back to the community, and help further the unfolding experience.

Conclusion: We trust you will be able to follow these by remembering they are for the safety of you and the community, and we hope you come to us with any questions. We should all be here to bring each other up, and with the intention of growing as both individuals and as a community. Have fun and make the most out of each retreat, while also respecting the needs of the people and the blossoming community around you.

Sleeping Guidelines

(Approved August 2017; Reviewed and Affirmed 2/2020, Updated & Approved 2022)

15-20 minutes before lights-out, a settling in period will be announced. At that time, SAYFers are expected to finish preparing for bed and set up their own sleeping area.

There are always two designated sleeping areas: late-night and early-to bed. Early-to-bed areas are for sleeping – please be respectful of others. If other sleeping areas are needed or requested by young Friends or parents/guardians – for example, single gender, FANs and Nurturers will arrange these based on the meeting house size and layout.

After lights-out, it is okay for young Friends (in the late-night room) to stay up late, to speak quietly and to cuddle. Moving around will be only for essentials (bathroom, or moving to another room after checking in with a FAN) and should be kept to a minimum.

Here is the sleeping bag rule: Only one person per sleeping bag is allowed. Hands need to be visible or in your own sleeping bag. Making out is against guidelines.

After lights-out, if electronics are used, they must not disturb others – keep screen brightness low and use headphones.

At each retreat volunteer nurturer will be the designated YAC [Young Adult Countermeasure] for the night. They will sleep under a yellow blanket marked “YAC.” If anyone, including the night shepherd is uncomfortable with what other people are doing, they can wake the YAC to help them with intervention. The YAC sleeps in the late-night area.

SAYF Sleeping Arrangements

(Created circa 2017; Reviewed and Affirmed 2/2020) Updated & Approved 8/2022)

There are two designated sleeping areas: late-night and early-to-bed. Additional sleeping areas will be arranged by FANs and Nurturers at any retreat at the request of young Friends or parents/guardians. Adults are assigned to all sleeping areas. An adult volunteer is awake and available for assistance throughout the night. Young Friends are required to be in their own sleeping bag/bedroll, and SAYF Guidelines apply at night as they do in the daytime. Immediate separation will occur and an accountability process may result from violating the guidelines. We encourage parents to discuss with their child any sleeping requirements or concerns they have. If you have specific instructions about the sleeping arrangements of your Young Friend, please discuss it with your child and verbally tell a FAN or contact the Lead FAN for the specific retreat. Unless the Lead FAN is notified by the parent or guardian (i.e. a note on the registration form), Young Friends are allowed to choose their sleeping area based on their own personal comfort levels and leadings.

Transgender Policy

In keeping with our understanding of the Equality Testimony, SAYF welcomes transgender people and respects each person’s gender identity, expression, and pronoun preference regardless of the sex assigned at birth.

Kevin (Feedback) Guidelines

(Created 2019)

Young Friends are invited to provide anonymous feedback at every retreat. To do this they use a system called “Kevin.”

Who is Kevin: [Hold up Kevin] Kevin is an alien who listens to the joys and concerns of SAYFers and FANs. Nurturers and FANS use this feedback to better the SAYF community. To put a joy or concern in Kevin, you can write it on a notecard and stick it through his ear.
When to use Kevin: Feedback in Kevin won’t be read until after the retreat. If you don’t feel like you can deal with an issue yourself, and you don’t feel comfortable speaking with a FAN or a Nurturer, and the situation isn’t urgent, then Kevin would be appropriate.
Be specific:
- Specificity helps Kevin and the nurturers better address your concern. The more details you provide about a situation, the more effectively Nurturers and FANs will be able to help with it.
- Kevin is confidential, so the only people who will read your concern are the nurturers and the FANs.
- If you have a concern about a specific incident, please write your name down if you feel comfortable, so that we can follow up.
Where is Kevin:
- During the retreat Kevin will live [say area in meeting house]. If you ever have a concern, you can write it down on a notecard and stick it in Kevin’s ear.
- We’ll also pass Kevin around at the end of the retreat to give everyone a chance to write something.

Please respect Kevin, he has feelings too. In the spirit of confidentiality, don’t open Kevin’s flap, he doesn’t like to be exposed. We want to respect the privacy of anyone who writes something and puts it into Kevin.

Epistle Writing Information (guidance)

(Approved Feb 2012; Reviewed and Affirmed 2/2020)

The epistle, which is shared with the wider community and on the SAYF website, is the written reflection that closes each retreat with love and relative worshipfulness.

At closing circle, SAYFers should look inward and reflect on their experiences, thoughts and questions from the weekend. SAYFers should also remember, however, that the Guidelines still apply and be conscious of them while writing.

The epistle is the time we come together to express the feelings that you take from being part of a loving community.

This is what we look back on in years to come. How do you want to remember this SAYF retreat? What does this SAYF mean to you?

Guidelines for Night Shepherds

(Created 2015, Updated 2022)

The role of the night shepherd is to help maintain a safe and thoughtful sleeping environment for young Friends and allow the Friendly Adult Nurturers the opportunity for a restful night so that they can provide a safe and nurturing environment during the day time retreat hours.

Night shepherds are responsible to:

Check the sleeping areas on a regular basis throughout their shift
Address young Friend’s concerns during the night using the medical forms and first aid kit as necessary.
Wake the YAC* and/or lead FAN in the case of concerns for which they would like assistance and in the case of emergencies.

Important Information

Medical Kit: When you arrive, identify the location of the large red SAYF first aid box.
Health Forms: The health forms are in the expanding file in the first aid box. Each teen has a health form that tells what medications may be given. Review the YF medical form for permissions before administering any medications.
- Documentation:
  - Document any medications given along with the time on the teen’s medical form and let the lead FAN know in the morning.
  - Note any medical or behavioral concerns of which the FANS should be made aware.

Call 911 for life threatening situations. Wake up the lead FAN if you need assistance with an emergency or serious health problem.

Sleeping Area Support: Be available in a place where you can be located and make checks every 30-45 minutes or as needed.
- Be mindful your activity can disrupt a good night’s sleep, take care not shine flashlights directly in people’s faces. (Suggestion: shine flashlight at ceiling or shade beam.)
Expectations: It is okay for young Friends (in the late night room) to stay up late, speak quietly, use technology, and/or cuddle. Please intervene or engage the YAC when you feel the sleeping guidelines or SAYF community guidelines are being broken. Examples of this might be:
- Teens are being too loud – sleepers are being awakened by the noise
- Electronics seem to be bothering others (brightness or volume)
- More than one young Friend is under a single blanket or sleeping bag.
- A person’s torso or pelvis is on top of someone’s else’s.
- Hands are in someone else’s sleeping bag or clothing or on genitals or breasts.
- Kissing or making out.
Addressing concerns: If you have a concern about whether a guideline is being broken (see SAYF Sleeping Guidelines), you may wake up the YAC.* This designated nurturer can help to address the concern directly with the young Friends.
- The YAC is responsible for evaluating the situation and addressing it, including separating YF, if necessary.
- If there is an emergency, or ongoing concerns or the need for additional consultation, you or the YAC should wake the lead FAN.
- The YAC and lead FAN will initiate any further action they deem necessary.

* YAC, Young Adult Countermeasure, is a volunteer nurturer, designated at the start of the retreat, who sleeps under a yellow blanket in the late-night area. If anyone, including the night shepherd, is uncomfortable with what other people are doing, they can wake the YAC to help with intervention.

SAYF Nurturer Guidelines

(Approved, March 1, 2014, Revised & Approved 8/2022)

Nurturers are expected to:

Steward and integrate the community
- Interacting with newbies and those unfamiliar with SAYF
- Emphasize welcoming new members throughout the beginning of their SAYF journey, not just the first retreat
- Be a consistent example of conscious inclusivity
- Leading group activities
Make decisions that contribute to the well-being of the community.
- Contributing to and paying attention in business meetings.
Help identify and resolve conflict in the community.
- Don’t be afraid to hold people accountable
- Use discretion when resolving conflicts
Be role models in the community.
- Be a social leader
- Follow guidelines
- Be present; be aware of when you are needed
Support and care for the community.
- Be attentive to others’ needs
- Be receptive to people’s problems (ask for help when needed)
- Be respectful of the space around us

These guidelines will be read during the Nurturer meeting at the beginning of each retreat

Covid Guidelines for in person retreats (version 4)

The following guidelines were developed understanding the evolving circumstances and science surrounding the Covid-19 pandemic. SAYF Covid-19 guidelines will be adjusted to meet changing safety standards as outlined by the Centers for Disease Control. SAYF respects local Friend’s rules and expectations within Friend’s Meetinghouses. These guidelines therefore will also be responsive to local Friend’s Meeting’s expectations for use of Meetinghouse space during SAYF retreats.

SAYF understands that Covid-19 continues to be present and its prevalence waxes and wanes as the disease evolves. As the risk of mortality or serious illness has dramatically reduced, especially for populations without exacerbating risk factors, SAYF requests families to consider their own comfort with having youth attend in-person retreats. Parents and young friends are best positioned to understand their own risk factors for illness and weigh them against the social/emotional and spiritual benefits of engaging in the SAYF community. We ask that families be conscientious in minimizing the risk of spreading contagious illness into SAYF retreats, following the guidelines below:

We highly recommend all participants of SAYF retreats, young Friends and adults, be fully vaccinated and receive available and recommended boosters.
Do not attend retreats if:
1. You are sick or expressing symptoms of illness that could be contagious.
2. You are currently testing positive for COVID, or tested positive within 5 days of a retreat.
Please follow CDC guidance for testing, including confirming COVID status with a rapid test if you have symptoms within five days of a retreat.
Masks at SAYF retreats will be available, and participants who develop symptoms while on a retreat will be asked to wear a high-quality mask and/or isolate depending on the severity of the symptoms. If FANs do not feel they can safely manage a young Friend’s symptoms, they will contact the guardian to develop a plan for safe return home.
All attendees of SAYF retreats will follow local Friend’s Meeting Covid-19 protocols for groups visiting the Meetinghouse while in and around the Meetinghouse.
1. The SAYF program coordinator will procure the guidelines prior to the retreat.
2. These guidelines will be shared with the Lead FAN and YF planning committee and other FANs attending, prior to the retreat.
3. If any of the local rules are unduly burdensome or in conflict with CDC guidance, the lead FAN, in consultation with the clerk of SAYF Steering Committee, may request from the local meeting, that the rule be adjusted or waived for the SAYF retreat. If such an adjustment is not allowed, then the lead FAN and SAYF SC clerk will determine if a different venue is required.
4. The lead FAN is responsible for sharing the applicable local meeting Covid-19 guidelines with nurturers and adult volunteers at the retreat.
5. All Nurturers, FANs and other adult volunteers must be familiar with the local meeting Covid-19 guidelines as well as these SAYF guidelines and assist in compliance.

If financial support for purchasing a rapid test is needed to determine if a young Friend can attend a retreat, please contact the SAYF Program Coordinator, Autumn Woodward.

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